your thong is hanging out like whoa
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
