My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
