im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
