Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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