We're like a lot better than the average bears
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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