I heard we made out
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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