My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
