This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
