I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
