I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
