I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize