After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
