You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have fence marks all over my body
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
