the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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