Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
