is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
