Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
