You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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