my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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