you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
