I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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