I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
