Don't make out with my wife yet
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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