Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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