Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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