I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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