I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
