i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's paper in my vomit.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just invented taco cereal.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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