i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
