i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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