This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
