Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
