I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
