someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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