its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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