Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
