I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize