no, he came in my armpit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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