I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
