Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
