I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
