My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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