So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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