Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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