Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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