Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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