We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
