eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just pee around me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
