Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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