Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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