I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
