I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
