Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize