Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
