Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize