You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
