I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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