I'm so fucking centered right now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize