my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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