Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We're too hungover to prance.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
