I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
