you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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