If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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