Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
