At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
