I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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