I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
