Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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