I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
