walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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