Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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