You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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