You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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