I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
