We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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