Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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