It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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