Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
