Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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