im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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