I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize