Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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