First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
