I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
