i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
