You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
