Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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