Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
