I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize