mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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