You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
