The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
