do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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