Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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