Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
