bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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