You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
