You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
