i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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