I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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