it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
